My Daughter Is Making Up Lies About Our Family
Listen to a broadcast well-nigh teens loving their families with Jessie Minassian.
I met Stacy* when she was 16. She reached out because she was considering ending her life. Deep downward, though, she wanted hope rather than death. As we began peeling back the layers of her despair, the truth — or rather, the lies — of the matter began to surface.
What nosotros believe nearly God, ourselves and the world around us affects you and me more than we realize. But to a teen whose brain is yet developing, a lie she believes tin can plunge her into darkness or send her chasing after everything but God.
Stacy had fallen prey to the same five lies that many teen girls believe. As a parent, it'southward vitally of import that you're aware of these lies so you can help your girl identify them. Even more than importantly, you must know the truth that combats the lies so you tin can arm your girl with the weapons she'll need to fight them.
Prevarication No. 1: What I feel defines who I am
A teen girl'southward feelings can swell and crash like the tide, pulled not by the moon, but by hormones, peers, media and the pressures of emerging machismo. You and I know this. But your teen might not.
If she views her feelings as the highest truth, any she feels is correct and becomes the truth to her. She will make decisions based on her happiness, because happiness feels good. She may run across anyone who questions her emotional truth — her feelings most her purpose, freedoms, gender or relationships — every bit an enemy to what is right.
The antidote to this prevarication is to recognize that God defines truth (John 14:half-dozen), and to understand that our feelings stem straight from what we recall. It may be helpful to guide your daughter by asking questions to demonstrate the illogical nature of emotional truths. For case, "Is information technology possible for truth to be defined past feelings if yous and I feel differently near an effect?"
Draw from your own experiences to underscore the truth of God'south Word. Talk virtually your feelings. How are they influenced by what you think? For case, y'all might say something similar, "When I focus on how messy the firm is, it makes me experience overwhelmed and frustrated." Or recount a fourth dimension when you overcame a prevarication and it changed your emotions. "I used to think that my value to the team depended on how many points I scored — and that fabricated me feel miserable after every game. But in one case I realized my functioning didn't ascertain me, I felt more confident on the court."
Prevarication No. 2: God could never forgive me for what I've done
An alarming number of young women, fifty-fifty Christians, are trapped by secret sins (self-harm, eating disorders, sexual sin and addiction). Satan'south goal is to convince our girls that what they've washed is beyond the accomplish of God'south forgiveness, and that if their secrets ever got out, their friends and family would exist permanently ashamed of them.
Because girls are particularly good at burying their feelings of shame, it's vital you speak loudly and often about the antitoxin to this lie, fifty-fifty if y'all don't take reason to suspect she'due south hiding anything. Radiate grace by speaking about others' sins without judgment, and confess your own with humility.
Virtually people want to hide their sins and not have them exposed. Yet merely through confession can God bring healing and freedom (John 3:20-21). There is no sin that God tin can't or won't forgive (1 John 1:ix). A teen daughter is much more than likely to seek help for her problems if she believes God will forgive her and y'all believe in God's forgiveness, likewise.
Lie No. 3: I can, and should, be everything (and do it all perfectly)
When I ask girls about the hardest role of being a teen, their answers always include the word pressure. Girls feel pressure level about grades and sports, friendships and boyfriends, college choices and hereafter debt. And the weight of that stress is crushing them.
Is your daughter anxious? Depressed? A perfectionist? Does she spend hours curating her online epitome? Does she panic if she doesn't become the grade she wants? If and so, she may be convict to the prevarication that she can and should be perfect in all areas of her life. And — here's the scary part — you might be the biggest advertiser of this prevarication.
Do y'all allow your weaknesses and imperfections exalt Christ (two Corinthians 12:9), or are yous trying to be and do everything yourself? What are you lot modeling for your girl? Do you nag her for worrying also much nigh her grades, while you lot neglect family unit time to come across an important deadline? Have yous told her she shouldn't care so much nearly how she looks while you spend a mountain of time or money on your own appearance?
We need to model truth. And the truth is that no one is perfect but God. Let'due south assure our girls that being an "boilerplate" human in pursuit of God'southward kingdom is non failure but an opportunity for God to get glory through our inadequacy.
Lie No. 4: A human relationship will complete me
God is love, but human love is non God. How easy it is to confuse the two, especially in the coming-of-age years. It's normal for a daughter to notice and crave the affection of the opposite sex. She's trying to reply a question hardwired in her soul: Am I worthy of pursuit?
However, if she comes to believe she is worthy only if a guy wants a human relationship with her, that lie will likely result in a preoccupation with boys and romance. This could lead her into unhealthy relationships, even confronting her parents' knowledge or wishes.
Yous accept the opportunity to help her see that only God tin complete the deepest parts of her. Her worth is not based on another human being's evaluation of her, and neither should her happiness. Dads have a special role here in affirming her value, dazzler and worthiness. Tell her, prove her and and then tell her over again how precious she is.
Lie No. 5: I'1000 not beautiful enough
All women accept value because nosotros are made in God'south prototype. But because God designed Eve to exist the lovely counterpart to Adam, nosotros also have intrinsic beauty in our femaleness. That beauty comes in diverse shapes, sizes and colors. Sadly, the vast bulk of teen girls believe the contrary. They don't believe they are pretty enough.
You might exist tempted to chalk upward this lie to trivial, immature girl stuff, but a poor body epitome tin can quickly morph into deep insecurities, an obsession with "the expect," low and unhealthy romantic relationships and choices. It's vital you help your daughter fend off this lie. Give her compliments that assert both her body and soul. Tell her things like, "You are cute because God designed you to reflect His image." Then be aware of how you look at and talk almost other women — and yourself. Celebrate the variety of beauty and the attention to detail that God has woven into female DNA.
Speak truth over her
Lies concur teens captive, simply truth tin release them. Every bit simplistic as information technology sounds, don't underestimate the power and influence of only speaking truth over your daughter and practicing the apostle Paul'due south words: "Admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all" (1 Thessalonians five:14).
It would be foolish to downplay the damage these unsafe lies can wreak in your daughter's life. Seek professional aid for y'all and your daughter if these lies lead to depression, cocky-harm or deep hopelessness. You don't have to become through this fourth dimension alone. E-mail Focus on the Family at [email protected] or call 855-771-HELP (4357) from 6 a.grand. to 8 p.k. (Mountain time) to find the resources you demand. Learn more at FocusOnTheFamily.com/counseling.
But also remember that God's truth is more than powerful than any lie from the Enemy. Our weapons through Christ — truth, light, grace and liberty — can expose and demolish even the almost ingrained lies. So equip your daughter with the truth to give her what she needs to become who God fabricated her to be.
Jessie Minassian is a speaker and writer of several books for teen girls including Unashamed, Crushed and Backwards Beauty.
*a pseudonym
Source: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/5-lies-that-can-destroy-your-daughter/
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